Up and Down

i know what r u thinking. haha,. or maybe it's just me pandai2 mo conclude what u were thinking. NO it's not that. Everyone, everybody,... having this kind of shit. nah i didnt mean shit.. and yeah,, it's a human being to be living in life which is going up in one moment and then *snap* its falling down. n u feel DOWN~ DOWN~ DOWN~~

ya,, im bluffing here. n if u stil wanna read this,.. it's good though coz i need to share it. i dunno y,, actually i know y. i've been through a lot of obstacle in my life. lots of problema. and the source of my problems are,, myself.
i born in JULY. one of the characteristics is people born in july can easily forgive but hardly to forget. thats quite true. ..

There is ONE thing that i want to vanish it from my memory but it remains there and will bother me even i din want it to. this is the first tym im expressing my feelings. n yeah i run out of ideas.. no. actually as i mentioned, i dont know how to let the feelings flow to my finger and start to type it. i hardly curse, i am sensitive, i get angry, i feel sad, i feel regret. but still,, i only know how to show happy face. yaa of course sumtimes i showed my 'macam kena palit tai' face but still i keep it deep down in my heart. where no one can think/feel/guess what i felt. . i keep all my problems in a safetybox inside my heart.. and i think it's full already.. that's when i will throw it away by letting it flow in my tears..
and still,, i cried alone.. with no one arounds me.. but but but but.... but saja saya ini. but erm the same things i mean problems filling the safetybox.. how can i deal with this. counselor?
maybe not. i think i need to fix things in my brain, my mind. STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PAST kan? yah. i kept it in my mind.. and this is how i still can breathe and live.. LIFE GOES ON. i love the quote but i cant deny it.. its bother me. and i still can find ways to happiness. i do find some but sometimes i doesnt work for me. i love my family. they always support me. i know it even when sometimes i feel they dont. nah~ they've always support me. n so do i. i support them. . n friends... maybe it is just what i thought/felt. but i feel that i dont have real friends. i mean real friends,,, friends yang u can share ur both happy n sad times.. maybe it is just a stupid thought of mine. Nun,Yon,Ann, Zana, Pearl i shared with them.. thanks.. i love u..
bored with this crap? yah.. leave this blog immediately then. . coz i will keep bluffing until me puas hati. hahaha
ohh i feel stupid. . yeah i admit it. expressing what we feels are tough..

i need to relax bah kan??? but my friends always said im too relax.. in everything... to b exact i'll simply ignore things that i shudnt ignore to avoid it hurting myself. but the thing is,, it will stab me later,.. n dangggg~~ i will get down lagi. hahaha nevermind la. xpa lar.. i always said that. even my heart r bleeding heavily. muahahha..

and now,, there's a thought in my mind. its not a thought, but its a Q.. How can i live my life without feeling sad. i know it's imposibble but at least happier. maybe i need to spend more tym with outdoor activities.. instead of laying on bed thinking of blablablaa... u know what?
i think im done. yah,, it happens always. like this bluff n bluff n bluff n suddenly this words came across my mind "apa aku buat ni? cam gila." and then i stop think n talk crap. decide to live my life to the fullest. yah,, one day later dtg lagi ni perangai buduh. n i called it "datang SOT saya". i shared this only with one person. He is my boyfriend. and i think he's the only one who really understand me. i mean the real me,, from the inside n outside..

Last thing,, i read through this post b4 i publish it. n i really dont know what was i saying/typing? haha ignore the SOTNESS of me. this is just a CRAP but it make me feel better.

P/s: Jay n BB ni cuma luahan rasa,.. yah penyakit ini datang menyerang saya dikala kesedihan. haha


n last lagi,, ok ok.. This is really yg LAST punya betul2 punya last.

I LOVE MY FAMILY,,
I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND,,
and I LOVE MY FRIENDSS..
Sorry if i do anything that irritate/annoy u..



love,
Sasa


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